my thoughts
Alcohol is an interesting drug. When I was younger I was opposed to drinking alcohol. I never saw my mother do it and my father was an alcoholic. So I swore I wouldn't have a drink until I was 21. I was successful too! Not a drink. I think I swore off alcohol at an early age because I didn't want to become an alcoholic. It is in my genes and I wouldn't want to feed into an addiction that could take hold of me very easily. However, I do believe social drinking is acceptable and even an occasional beer here and there is ok. I like to go wine tasting and beer tasting every now and then (I never thought I would say that about beer). There still are risks involved when I drink though.
Ah, the seriousness of this blog... lol... I really shouldn't be tipsy writing this kind of stuff!
On to other subjects....
Assholes. I don't understand 'em and I never will. Shit, even reading books on men hasn't helped. If he has a penis, he should never ever think that I understand anything he does or says. I just can't read men. I use to be pretty good at it too... no, it's like my blurred vision when I'm drunk... you think you see an angel, yet it is only your friend standing in front of the light. You know what I mean jelly bean?
Sexual freedom. Why are women considered whores if they sleep around? Shit, even I've looked down on women for it. Yet, I think we all wonder. I grew up in a very conservative home where sex before marriage was just unthinkable. I think my mother would die if she ever knew that her only daughter was not as holy as she thinks I am.
Relationships/dating... it's for the birds. It's like a fucking second job.... you worry what they are thinking about, when they probably aren't even thinking at all... you worry about whether you are pleasing them, when in fact you are just bothering the hell out of them... yada yada yada... like I said, for the birds!
Family... you can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em
Music... I finally heard Barber's adagio for strings sung by a full choir. Can I just say, my world stopped. I was driving my car at the time and I actually pulled into a parking lot so I could hear the entire thing without having to concentrate on anything else. Fucking amazing! The ending brought tears to my eyes. that is what I want to do. I love playing viola, but fucking a... voice is just as good! I wanna sing :).
God... I've tried my own thing, I guess I should listen more.
Friends... I have three of the bestfriends anyone could ask for. I can fall apart at their feet and they know what to say and do to pick me back up. These guys have at some point in my life, disappeared for periods of time. However, the friendships have only grown stronger through the years. And I am eternally grateful for their loyalty, honesty, and trust. I will always be here if you need someone to listen. Ang, Lans and Aron... thank you SOOOOOO much!
...ok, I think I'm getting a bit sappy. I think it is the alcohol. But I mean every word!
Ah, the seriousness of this blog... lol... I really shouldn't be tipsy writing this kind of stuff!
On to other subjects....
Assholes. I don't understand 'em and I never will. Shit, even reading books on men hasn't helped. If he has a penis, he should never ever think that I understand anything he does or says. I just can't read men. I use to be pretty good at it too... no, it's like my blurred vision when I'm drunk... you think you see an angel, yet it is only your friend standing in front of the light. You know what I mean jelly bean?
Sexual freedom. Why are women considered whores if they sleep around? Shit, even I've looked down on women for it. Yet, I think we all wonder. I grew up in a very conservative home where sex before marriage was just unthinkable. I think my mother would die if she ever knew that her only daughter was not as holy as she thinks I am.
Relationships/dating... it's for the birds. It's like a fucking second job.... you worry what they are thinking about, when they probably aren't even thinking at all... you worry about whether you are pleasing them, when in fact you are just bothering the hell out of them... yada yada yada... like I said, for the birds!
Family... you can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em
Music... I finally heard Barber's adagio for strings sung by a full choir. Can I just say, my world stopped. I was driving my car at the time and I actually pulled into a parking lot so I could hear the entire thing without having to concentrate on anything else. Fucking amazing! The ending brought tears to my eyes. that is what I want to do. I love playing viola, but fucking a... voice is just as good! I wanna sing :).
God... I've tried my own thing, I guess I should listen more.
Friends... I have three of the bestfriends anyone could ask for. I can fall apart at their feet and they know what to say and do to pick me back up. These guys have at some point in my life, disappeared for periods of time. However, the friendships have only grown stronger through the years. And I am eternally grateful for their loyalty, honesty, and trust. I will always be here if you need someone to listen. Ang, Lans and Aron... thank you SOOOOOO much!
...ok, I think I'm getting a bit sappy. I think it is the alcohol. But I mean every word!
posted by Jenn & John at 12:45 AM
1 Comments:
Sappiness is cool somtimes!!!! Why, because it's honesty, and honesty sucks people in? Why does honesty suck people in? Because it's refreshing when people are honest. People spend so much time being dishonest that having hoensty around is REFRESHING and they get sucked in.... I love it.. it's how I really judge all my relationships.
My father was not an alcholic.. but one time, at an end of the season party for my baseball team, my dad got VERY drunk. He made an ass out of himself infront of me and all my friends on the team, doing really crazy ass shit. That was when I was 11. I never drank jack shit until I was 19 because of that. Because I remembered my dad, and how embarrassed I was... though even at that time I didn't understand the extent of what was going on. Though I remember very disintctly that people made fun of me afterwards for my dad being drunk. My dad later apologized, and I'm quite sure that he didn't drink anything for a good 5 yrs after that, though i could be wrong.
But still, to this day, I'm a very light drinker for someone my age. I only drink to relax, and only once in a blue moon.
Men are an enigma to you. Women are an enigma to me. The more you study the other sex the more you realize that that study is almost futile, because there are so many variations of people out there with so many different philosphies, and attitudes and GOALS when dating.. that just thinking about it really makes you wanna give up. It's like playing poker. You've got a certain hand, and there are so many people in the pot with so many different kinds of hands that you know can beat you. You don't know exactly what they have, but you know you're in danger of losing.. .that's what it's likw with the opposite sex... no matter how well you know a person, you cannot really know what's inside their head. Oh, and you can still be good at reading people.. you just have to be attentive and OPEN to reading the signs they're giving off.. if you THINk that you're not going to be able to read them, then you WON"T. ESP is not esoteric, you just have to be open to it.
Women are considered whores if they sleep around because this country is populated by relatively conservative people from religious backgrounds that denote you should be chaste unless your married. Before the women's right's movement, when men were really really on top economically, and socially, they could DO whatever they want, (be whores themselves) and not get in trouble for it because they controlled everything.
Relationships ARE full time jobs. And the thing that sucks is that there's a part of you that really really wants to give it your all, and really 'fall' into that other person.. but at the same time, sometimes when we do that we overlook our own needs and desires. I for one will try and not do that again.
Barber's agnus dei ( the setting of the adagio for voices I believe...) is beautiful. I think sometimes I even like it better with voices.
Too tired to think...
lata
AS
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