This is me venting.....
I am sick and tired of being used. I put myself out there sooooooooooo fucking much, especially lately and everyone just takes advantage. I was suppose to have a nice day today. I took a trip to San Francisco with my Grandmother and we spent part of the day walking around. But the entire time, my fucking head was going in circles thinking about the mess that my life is... how I let these people use me. It pisses me off. NO, PISSES ME OFF! I just wanted to go home and crawl into bed. I'm so tired, emotionally... from EVERYONE and EVERYTHING. When will life be simpler? Why does everything always happen at once? It's like, emotional overload!
I use to hate being in the practice room. I always wanted to be around people and be social. Now, all I want to do is lock myself in there and live and breathe my music... Sometimes when I got really stressed, I would practice with the lights off and my eyes closed. It was soothing and it also allowed me to go into a trance... deep meditation.
I guess I need to find some kind of emotional outlet. I need to do something (and something soon!) that will allow me to learn to let all of this emotional crap that is thrown my way out of sight and out of mind. I need to learn how to say NO!!! no, actually I need to learn how to scream it.
Sometimes, the most we ever strive for in life is to be accepted and loved. I have tried so damn hard, and you know what? I just have to stop. I've tried and tried to gain these things. But the more I try, the more I feel like I'm losing the battle. And at what cost does all this occur? My sanity? For my peace of mind? They probably don't even notice that I'm there half of the time... this i KNOW is true. SO why should it have to be on my conscious? Why should I try so hard when it really doesn't make a fucking difference?
Sometimes I feel like I'm just going to break.
I am sick and tired of being used. I put myself out there sooooooooooo fucking much, especially lately and everyone just takes advantage. I was suppose to have a nice day today. I took a trip to San Francisco with my Grandmother and we spent part of the day walking around. But the entire time, my fucking head was going in circles thinking about the mess that my life is... how I let these people use me. It pisses me off. NO, PISSES ME OFF! I just wanted to go home and crawl into bed. I'm so tired, emotionally... from EVERYONE and EVERYTHING. When will life be simpler? Why does everything always happen at once? It's like, emotional overload!
I use to hate being in the practice room. I always wanted to be around people and be social. Now, all I want to do is lock myself in there and live and breathe my music... Sometimes when I got really stressed, I would practice with the lights off and my eyes closed. It was soothing and it also allowed me to go into a trance... deep meditation.
I guess I need to find some kind of emotional outlet. I need to do something (and something soon!) that will allow me to learn to let all of this emotional crap that is thrown my way out of sight and out of mind. I need to learn how to say NO!!! no, actually I need to learn how to scream it.
Sometimes, the most we ever strive for in life is to be accepted and loved. I have tried so damn hard, and you know what? I just have to stop. I've tried and tried to gain these things. But the more I try, the more I feel like I'm losing the battle. And at what cost does all this occur? My sanity? For my peace of mind? They probably don't even notice that I'm there half of the time... this i KNOW is true. SO why should it have to be on my conscious? Why should I try so hard when it really doesn't make a fucking difference?
Sometimes I feel like I'm just going to break.
posted by Jenn & John at 2:53 AM
1 Comments:
Hey, well i have always vented by eating donuts (as you can see, i am a big boy lol)... but because i cannot give you a donut, i will give you this.....
Q: How do you fix a broken tuba?
A: With a "tuba glue."
A man is walking around the streets of New York one day when he spies an old friend of his from college. "Boris!" he yells. "I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been?"
"Well," Boris replies. "I am the piccolo player for the International Orchestra."
"Spectacular!" the man replies.
"It is not what you might think, my friend. We play for the king of England, he loves the music. He says 'Fill the instruments with gold!' and they fill the tuba with gold, and they fill the trombone with gold, and me with the goddamn piccolo.
"We play for the queen of France. She loves the music; she says 'Fill the instruments with silver!' and they fill the tuba with silver and they fill the trombone with silver, and me with the goddamn piccolo.
"Then we play for the czar of Russia. He hates the music; he says 'Shove the instruments up their asses!' and the tuba doesn't fit and the trombone doesn't fit, and me with the goddamn piccolo!"
...OK... enough of those... gotta run.. take care! call me if things are rough
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