Turned Around
After dealing with hundreds of thousands of dollars in insurance claims today, I must go hold the hand of a person who is too scared to do anything by herself anymore. A simple dentist appointment, 2 blocks from where she lives... a ride already provided, yet I have to go and sit in the waiting room so I can hold her hand? F*&^$$*&^*JNNDCLKJNCDLKSDF(*SD^F*^$&WA$^WEGBRNBFGI*&@#$HJB$ETz v883489 0b
That's how I feel. :) Sit on the keyboard and let your ass spell it out... yep.. thats how I feel.
On another note, I'm beginning to think my cat Tabitha is bulemic (sp?).
Don Juan DeMarco... Good movie. I'm gonna watch it again.
Prince of Tides theme is my all time favorite movie theme.... the joys of dancing with my babycakes.
Yesterday I asked myself, what's the point of all this friggin bullshit in my life? Seriously... what is the point?
... and then I realized what the reason was... all the anguish, all the negativity... I take it for one reason... only one reason
Everything I am going through is because I put myself here. I have no room to complain because it was my decision. Even though I bitch and complain and blame circumstance for this life I am living, I have to remember that it was my decision that brought me here. And only me.... well, maybe God
I chose to stay here too. If I wanted out, I could easily get out. I could leave and never look back.
Dispite what everyone of my friends tell me, family and anyone else who cares to give me a load of advice... it comes down to me.
I guess the thought that has been on my mind for oh what, 11 months now, is will this little one be mine? Will his parents not stand up and take responsibility? And will I be given the rights to this baby? I'll I want to know is ... now or never? I am happy with my decision. I will continue to care for this little one, but I need to know now... am I gonna have him or not? I want to start making plans and I need to know if those plans will include a plus one.
Never will Auntie rest. I was sitting on the couch the other night watching my program and he comes over to me, grabs my hand and tries to pull me up. "Dance Momma,dance" he yells at me. How could I refuse a dance proposal? Do you see what I've started? Oy vey...
That's how I feel. :) Sit on the keyboard and let your ass spell it out... yep.. thats how I feel.
On another note, I'm beginning to think my cat Tabitha is bulemic (sp?).
Don Juan DeMarco... Good movie. I'm gonna watch it again.
Prince of Tides theme is my all time favorite movie theme.... the joys of dancing with my babycakes.
Yesterday I asked myself, what's the point of all this friggin bullshit in my life? Seriously... what is the point?
... and then I realized what the reason was... all the anguish, all the negativity... I take it for one reason... only one reason
Everything I am going through is because I put myself here. I have no room to complain because it was my decision. Even though I bitch and complain and blame circumstance for this life I am living, I have to remember that it was my decision that brought me here. And only me.... well, maybe God
I chose to stay here too. If I wanted out, I could easily get out. I could leave and never look back.
Dispite what everyone of my friends tell me, family and anyone else who cares to give me a load of advice... it comes down to me.
I guess the thought that has been on my mind for oh what, 11 months now, is will this little one be mine? Will his parents not stand up and take responsibility? And will I be given the rights to this baby? I'll I want to know is ... now or never? I am happy with my decision. I will continue to care for this little one, but I need to know now... am I gonna have him or not? I want to start making plans and I need to know if those plans will include a plus one.
Never will Auntie rest. I was sitting on the couch the other night watching my program and he comes over to me, grabs my hand and tries to pull me up. "Dance Momma,dance" he yells at me. How could I refuse a dance proposal? Do you see what I've started? Oy vey...
posted by Jenn & John at 2:14 PM
1 Comments:
Your answer to your own question of, "What's the reason for all this bullshit?" (Because "I put myself here..." )
It's not completely true. Yes.. there are always forks in the road. I've seen these forks unfold for you.. with a 3rd party objective. I asked you, a year ago.. why you took Bradford, when you could've left him with either his father or put him in foster care? You took Bradford because you felt it was the right thing to do. That it wasn't cool with you or for Bradford, for him to go into foster care.
Sometimes life throws us curveballs, and the only way we can adapt is by doing the best under the circumstances. We are 'tested' everyday, and even though it all seems unfair... in the long run, remember, that because of these events, you will be stronger, and better a person down the road than you will have been if you hadn't gone down this path. You say that it's your fault, that you've put yourself in this situation.. but that doesn't mean that this situation is your fault and resulted from your actions.
You deserve to have your own life, and have the right to try and take it where YOU want to. Hold your family up to your own morals and values. If your morals and values have helped carry the family, then your family should repay you the compliment and help YOU TO CARRY YOURSELF where you need to go....
AS
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