que sera, sera

I'm very excited. I went to Michael's and bought some materials to crochet a scarf. I haven't done any crochet work in ages. When I was 11, I crocheted a baby sister a blanket (although I failed to give it to her). Hey, I still made it! My Mom was asking me to get her some materials and I thought, what the hay, Why not?

I've been debating on doing this craft fair in Octorber with my family friend. I have a TON of stuff that I've created and I've got quite an eye for gift baskets...hmmm could be fun!

I've become more motivated lately. I've gone to hear a few public speakers on starting my own business. Not too sure I want to go down that route, but one aspect that I like is the internet. I live on this damn thing and I could possibly make some money on it.... its a thought. I guess I'm just tired of the same shit, different day routine. Shoot, I was even pressured into going into substitute teaching... Now who in their right mind (who isn't the type to be a teacher) would put themselves into a job they would hate? My Mother keeps telling I wouldnt' have to do much and I would get paid well. Ok, maybe this is just me, but I'd rather work for McDonalds or a supermarket or something... however, I should be able to get something better than that with my background and education. That is just NOT my scene. One thing I know I need to do is PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE, cause it is the only way I will get out of this place.

I've had more discussions than I'd care to admit about life, goals and significant others. I've spoken to both genders and the outlook is COMPLETELY different... for the most part. Many of my female friends are looking for that significant other, and I'll admit, of course I would like that companionship also. It is said that we feel incomplete without a significant other. I'll agree that we are constantly looking for someone to fill our void... someone who will take us out of this emotional rollarcoaster we call life. That's what I've been doing.

I've been thinking about what made me happy and unhappy in a relationship. I was unhappy when I didn't trust them... when I felt like there was something being left out or not being told to me. With honesty comes trust. The worst part(or the best, depending on how you look at it) is finding out that those feelings you had were right. It's really quite funny, because everything in my life so far has been so predictable if I just open my eyes.

My friends keep telling me, oh you'll find someone nice. Maybe I don't want to settle... if I were to date someone now, it would be because I am looking to settle. I am not looking to settle. I want to do my graduate work and possibly doctorate. I want to travel and live in different places. Chances are (oh do I love that movie), if I dated someone here who is already settled, I would feel even more boxed in than I already am. Now, if I were to find someone who wanted to join me in my future adventures, then maybe. But even then, there would be a lid on the box because you are thinking not only about you, but them too. So, if I'm going to be busy for the next however many years it will take, when will I be capable of companionship? Will I ever? Is this an excuse? I don't know any of these answers. All I know is, if it is meant to be, it will be.