huh?

Fourteen hours later...

It is 3:20am. I'm exuasted. I'm mentally and physically drained. Time for that awesome power nap (one hour) and then I'm off and running back down to LA so I can make my appointment at 11:30. How wonderful is that?


I'm in a pickle. My Mom is back in ICU and I have no time in my life to run to LA. I feel absolutely sick about leaving and I can't even mention anything to her because I CANNOT upset her...she's in freak'n ICU. I thought, well I can set up an appointment for later in the week... that would be fine. NOPE... Lucky me, I have JURY DUTY this week which means, Jenn no can do. Not to mention, Bradford has his second birthday. WTF? Life is complicated, and then it gets worse.

My feet fucking hurt.

Oh, and the best part? Yeah, I'm in ICU about an hour ago with my mom and I look over at the monitor in the Nurse's station and they have this guy on the screen. Then five minutes later I see all of the staff running in the room... my mom's nurse on the bed pumping the guys chest... and I see it all on the screen... they're going at it for at least five minutes... and the whole time I'm trying not to vomit all over myself because my mind went back two months ago when that was my mother. I felt sooooooooo incredibly sick and I had to fight everything to not crawl on the floor and bawl like a baby. 7th times a charm? I can't take much more of this... it's draining the life out of me and I'm learning all how to not let out emotion. I fight it... every time it creeps up... I feel like fucking Xena fighting for everyone... this warrior who has to battle these obstacles that come their way... no one ever sees those warriors cry or be in pain... I feel like I have to be strong for everyone or they too will give up.... SHIT... EVERY FAMILY MEMBER I HAVE. I've probably taken ten years off my life... and now i have a 50minute nap... damnit...
ok...