throw caution to the wind?
I was at my wits end today. I got a call from the hospital telling me they were discharging my mother. NOT A GOOD THING! She can't do anything by herself which means, nurse Jennifer to the rescue. However, Nurse Jennifer is going home in a week and a half. Now what? That is the question I've been pondering for about 2 months now. She is the guardian of my 17month old nephew and can't take care of herself. I won't live my life like this. Especially while my brother has this great new job in San Francisco, wining and dining his clients. All the while, I'm the one who everyone expects to pick up the pieces of their lives? My sisters look to me for help too, my mother, my stepmother, my brother..........I'm fed up. FED UP! I would love to give advice and help everyone out, but I am my own person and I have to do what is best for me. I do not have children yet. I am not married, nor do I even have a boyfriend. Motherhood is no where near the place that I want to be.
So I walked into the hospital this afternoon frustrated as hell. I didn't know what to do, who to call for home health for my mother, or how to plan for what is to come. I walked into the room where this one nurse is chatting up a storm with my mom. I had met her once before and she seemed very personable and was eager to help me out even. She propositioned my mother with some ideas. One of which involves herself. This woman has a sister who does home health, she herself does home health and this woman owns a transportation business for the handicapped. I felt a million pounds lighter as I walked out of the room today. She is a God sent. This is the perfect set up. It gives me peace of mind knowing that some wonderful, God loving people will be taking care of my mother and my nephew. My grandmother is also going to come up from Arizona to help out too.
I've certainly gone through almost every emotion this week. It has been a long, tiring journey....my whole life is tossed into the air....I dont' know where it's going. I want to some how help others out when I get back home. It will give my life more meaning. If I died tomorrow, I certainly don't want to be remembered for the girl who was selfish and ungiving....someone who was only out to better herself. The last 5 years, I certainly have not given very much back. I've become selfish in many ways. I use to do so many things to give back to the community. Where the hell have my values gone? All I have thought about recently is what will I do with my life. How will life benefit me the most? What kind of degrees can I get to better myself so that I can do what I love? Mind you, there is nothing wrong with all of these things. But I think I will be left feeling empty if I end up doing what pleases me. I will still follow my dreams, but I just need to open my eyes and my heart a little more. So, I guess I will forever throw caution to the wind and put myself out there a little more.
So I walked into the hospital this afternoon frustrated as hell. I didn't know what to do, who to call for home health for my mother, or how to plan for what is to come. I walked into the room where this one nurse is chatting up a storm with my mom. I had met her once before and she seemed very personable and was eager to help me out even. She propositioned my mother with some ideas. One of which involves herself. This woman has a sister who does home health, she herself does home health and this woman owns a transportation business for the handicapped. I felt a million pounds lighter as I walked out of the room today. She is a God sent. This is the perfect set up. It gives me peace of mind knowing that some wonderful, God loving people will be taking care of my mother and my nephew. My grandmother is also going to come up from Arizona to help out too.
I've certainly gone through almost every emotion this week. It has been a long, tiring journey....my whole life is tossed into the air....I dont' know where it's going. I want to some how help others out when I get back home. It will give my life more meaning. If I died tomorrow, I certainly don't want to be remembered for the girl who was selfish and ungiving....someone who was only out to better herself. The last 5 years, I certainly have not given very much back. I've become selfish in many ways. I use to do so many things to give back to the community. Where the hell have my values gone? All I have thought about recently is what will I do with my life. How will life benefit me the most? What kind of degrees can I get to better myself so that I can do what I love? Mind you, there is nothing wrong with all of these things. But I think I will be left feeling empty if I end up doing what pleases me. I will still follow my dreams, but I just need to open my eyes and my heart a little more. So, I guess I will forever throw caution to the wind and put myself out there a little more.
posted by Jenn & John at 5:48 PM
1 Comments:
Nurse Jennifer will soon be mother (nun) jennifer as well.... I like to think (not only because it's convenient for ourselves as well, but because I truly believe it..) that sometimes doing what's best for us and bettering ourselves is also what's best for others to. I know I'm not explaining myself very well, ( it all makes sense in my head I assure you...) But I guess what I'm trying to say is that the things you might think are selfish could also be good for you and good for the community. For example... practicing music these last five or six years in college is not just about doing what you like... how many people have you performed for that have had a ball listening to you play? Can you calculate the worth of the joy they get from hearing you play music, as opposed to the joy given to someone else for volunteering elsewhere? You can't; and both are profound impacts upon people. Yeah, it's a different story if your a greedy businessman/woman, and not doing any philanthropy, but in your line of work, (music,) you're giving to people ALL THE TIME. So it's cool, it's no problem being greedy when doing that....
AS
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